100 Reasons Why it's Better to be a Man

  • Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
  • Movie nudity is virtually always female.
  • You know stuff about tanks.
  • A five day vacation requires only one suitcase.
  • Monday Night Football.
  • You don't have to monitor your friends sex lives.
  • Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
  • You can open all your own jars.
  • Old friends don't give you crad weight.
  • Dry cleaners and haircutter's don't rob you blind.
  • When clicking through channels, you don't have to stop on every shot of someone crying.
  • Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
  • All your orgasms are real.
  • A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex.
  • Guys in hockey masks don't attack you.
  • You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go.
  • You understand why stripes is funny.
  • You can go to the bathroom with out a support group.
  • Your last name stays put.
  • You can leave a hotel bed unmade.
  • When your work is criticized, you don't have to panic that everyone secretly hates you.
  • You can kill your own food.
  • The garage is all yours.
  • You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
  • You see the humor in Terms of Endearment.
  • Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.
  • . You never have to clean the toilet.
  • You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.
  • Sex means never worrying about your reputation.
  • Wedding plans take care of themselves.
  • If someone forgets to invite you to something, s/he can still be your friend.
  • Your underwear is $10 for a three pack.
  • The National College Cheerleading Championship
  • None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry.
  • You don't have to shave below your neck.
  • You don't have to curl up next to a hairy ass every night.
  • If you're 34 and single nobody notices.
  • You can write your name in the snow.
  • You can get into a nontrivial pissing contest.
  • Everything on your face stays its original color.
  • Chocolate is just another snack.
  • You can be president.
  • You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.
  • Flowers fix everything.
  • You never have to worry about other people's feelings.
  • You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.
  • You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
  • Three pair of shoes are more than enough.
  • You can eat a banana in a hardware store.
  • You can say anything and not worry about what people think.
  • Foreplay is optional.
  • Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe.
  • Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into the room.
  • You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
  • You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming by.
  • You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.
  • Car mechanics tell you the truth.
  • You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.
  • You can watch a game in silence with you buddy for hours without even thinking (He must be mad at me)
  • The world is your urinal.
  • You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover is about to leave you.
  • You get to jump up and slap stuff.
  • Hot wax never comes near you pubic area.
  • One mood, all the time.
  • You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.
  • You never have to drive to another gas station b/c this one's just to skeevy.
  • You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.
  • You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you are wearing.
  • Same work....more pay.
  • Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
  • You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment.
  • Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
  • You don't care if someone is talking about you behind your back.
  • With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the earth's population in 15 tries, at least in theory.
  • You don't mooch off others' desserts.
  • If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
  • The remote is yours and yours alone.
  • People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
  • ESPN's sports center.
  • You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.
  • Bachelor parties whomp ass over bridal showers.
  • You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.
  • You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.
  • You needn't pretend you're "freshening up" to go to the bathroom.
  • If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell you friends you've changed.
  • Someday you'll be a dirty old man.
  • You can rationalize any behavior with the handy phrase "F**k it!"
  • If an other guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies.
  • Princess Di's death was almost just another obituary.
  • The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
  • You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because your not in the mood.
  • You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.
  • If something mechanical didn't work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room.
  • New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
  • Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind.
  • You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries.
  • Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with them.
  • Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So...notice anything different?"
  • Baywatch
  • There is always a game on somewhere.